AU Kid!Ibani - The Wind

[idontneedluck]

Chirrut doesn't often ask things of the Force, but as the fall edges its way into winter, he has been asking for one thing daily. He prays that this year, the winds don't come. Life with Ibani has settled down into a comfortable routine, and he doesn't want that broken up. He doesn't want her to see him hanging on to his temper with his teeth, doesn't want her to see the spectacle of him needing to be beaten down like a feral creature.

He's afraid of what would happen then.




The Force does not grant him his wish.

One morning he awakes with his skin already crawling, the thin high whistle of the oncoming winter wind already ripping at his peace. He works hard to ignore it - harder than he ever has in his life, even more than the year after the disastrous match with Baze and Eiko.

He makes it through breakfast before he starts to feel his temper fraying. He wants to beg Baze to take Ibani away, somewhere far away, but it's getting to be too cold to go out of the city on frivolous pursuits. It will only lead to a fight.

Chirrut knows despair then. He's not getting past this day without being bloodied.

Comments

[iprotectyou]

"Chirrut! I'm here," Baze says, standing from his chair at the side of the bed and taking his friend's hand. "Ibani is okay. She's sleeping."

[idontneedluck]

"What happened to her?" He knows he wasn't hallucinating, wasn't dreaming, wasn't fooled by the drugs in his system - though he'd really prefer to think one of those things. "Did I..." He can't really ask the question - the idea that he might have hurt Ibani is abhorrent.

[iprotectyou]

"No," Baze says immediately, almost biting his tongue in his rush to get the word out. "No, you didn't hurt her. How could you even think that?"

He leans over and presses a kiss to Chirrut's cool temple. "As far as I can tell, she... Sent part of herself to come check on you. She left her body behind. She... Was very upset at the pain she caused. I told her I would ask if you wanted to see her in the flesh."

[idontneedluck]

He flushes, dully - no. No, he doesn't want her to see this, him left a battered wreck because it's infinitely preferrable to the damage he can wreak if left to his own devices when the wind howls.

But if she was here... she's already seen it. The damage is done.

And he desperately wants to hold his little girl, to know by his own hands that she's still alright.

"... Yes." There is such shame and need in his voice, and he's helpless do to much about either. He doesn't even think to twit Baze about his slip. "Yes, I would like her to come."

[iprotectyou]

"All right," Baze says. He knows how much of a concession Chirrut is making, knows that he'd rather be beaten again than to have her see him like this. Baze knows all of that, and yet, he's glad that Chirrut is going to let her come.

Baze loops his arms around Chirrut's shoulders, a gesture made awkward by the drip lines and other scanners plugged into his friend. The larger Guardian sighs against the smaller one, pressing cheek to cheek for a long moment. Baze feels like crying; the tension and stress of the day built up has been released in this moment, and he exhales some of it away. The rest coils in his lower back, where it has gathered for hours.

"Okay," he says, drawing back and stretching. "I'll go get her."

He reluctantly releases Chirrut, and heads down the hall to check if Ibani's awake.

[last_kallig]

Ibani is just starting to stir when Baze enters the room, but she sits up abruptly when the door opens.

"Hi, Dad," she says quietly. "Did you go and visit Chirrut?"

[iprotectyou]

"I did," Baze says, crossing to her side and offering a hand to help her up. "And he's ready to see you. Come with me, please."

[idontneedluck]

Chirrut sits like a lord being swarmed by attendants.

Actually, this is wrong.

He sits like a man who has learned from long experience that medics, while having a great sense of humor on the whole, don't take kindly if you mess up their work and have ways to make you pay for it that won't delay healing. Thus: Very still, and very careful.

It's not that bad, really. And if they can joke about his injuries, it means he won't be here too long. After this many years he knows their names, and small details of their lives - coming here is almost like visiting friends.

Friends with sharp needles and endless spools of sticky tape.

He tilts his head when he hears Baze and Ibani at the doorway, which earns him a quick rap to the side of his head with a pair of bandage scissors and a threat to tape his head to the baseboard if he doesn't keep still.

[last_kallig]

Ibani takes Baze's offered hand and keeps a hold of it as they go down the hall.

She wants to see Chirrut so badly, but she's nervous about it too.

"Hi, Dad," Ibani calls softly from the doorway. Her heartbeat is fast, as is her breathing. The fabric of her pajamas makes rustling noises as she shifts from foot to foot, restless. She smells like sweat, soap, and tears. The Force around her is full of sadness, regret, and self-loathing. She's definitely there, all of her.

[iprotectyou]

Baze crosses to Chirrut's bedside, holding Ibani's hand. The larger Guardian places her hand in Chirrut's, and pats them both. Then he retreats to the corner, to give the pair a modicum of privacy, despite the medics.

[idontneedluck]

"Come up here, little one." Chirrut urges, ignoring the grumbling of the medics and the complaints of his own battered muscles. "You've had a very frightening day."

[last_kallig]

Ibani climbs up, being as careful as she can not to knock anything loose or hurt Chirrut.

"Yes," she says. "And so have you, because of me." Guilt claws at her, makes her stomach turn.

[idontneedluck]

"Shhh, little one." Chirrut knows that sort of guilt, down to his bones. He can only hope to be as good as Baze at assuaging it. "It is alright, we're all fine now."

Chirrut has no compunctions about protecting his injuries, so Ibani will just have to put up with a fierce hug that sets the medics to grumbling again.

[last_kallig]

Ibani returns the fierce hug. "That's what Baze said," she murmurs. The Force will tell that she's not sure how they could forgive her that easily, because she certainly isn't forgiving HERSELF just yet.

"It's not fair, that the wind hurts you. I wish I could make it stop."

She'd be more than tempted to try, if she knew where to even begin.

[idontneedluck]

"This is better, than it was." He assures her, petting her hair gently. "I used to try and ignore it, when I was younger, until my temper frayed to pieces and I landed more than my fair share of sparring mates in the infirmary."

Chirrut's afraid that doesn't sound any better than the current arrangement, but... the lessening of guilt is immense.

[last_kallig]

"You're better at not hurting other people when you have to fight to take the hurt of the wind away now," she says, leaning into the petting. That's her interpretation of why it's better now, at least.

"Maybe I can find a way for the fire to burn itself out inside you without you getting hurt, when I'm older."

[idontneedluck]

"That will be something to look forward to." He smiles, sadly. "But it is not your problem to fix, little one. I must take responsibility for my own actions, even the ones I am forced into."

[last_kallig]

"Yes, but that doesn't mean you can't accept help, right? I want to help you, because you're my dad and I love you."

She hugs him tighter, probably to the despair of the medics.

[idontneedluck]

"I love you too, Ibani." Chirrut doesn't care, at the moment, how angry he's making the medics. His little girl is here, whole and safe and well.


"Baze Malbus, if you don't come over here I'll set my Guardian-class students to the task of learning to ambush you. For a month." Chirrut and Ibani weren't the only ones to have a rough day, after all.

[iprotectyou]

Baze laughs, though he hasn't been in the mood for laughing all day. He unfurls from his chair in the corner, stretching his sore back, and crosses to the bedside.

"I'm here, Chirrut," Baze says, taking Chirrut's hand in his own and squeezing Ibani's shoulder with the other. "Wild desert walkers couldn't keep me away."

[last_kallig]

"I bet Baze would catch them all before they could sneak up on him," she says to Chirrut.

"What are desert walkers?"

[idontneedluck]

"Some have told me they are great beasts that can roam the Jedhan desert at will, impervious to the cold." Chirrut explains, his voice taking on the lilt of an orator. "But I've never seen one."

With both Baze and Ibani in arm's reach, and the wind's fury beaten out of him, he is the calmest he's felt all day.