AU Kid!Ibani

[idontneedluck]

Ibani has finally fallen asleep - she still sleeps like one drugged, something Chirrut is thankful for tonight. He takes a quick shower, scrubbing the filth off his skin with a vengeance (and a citrusy-lavender soap). Shortly he wanders out scrubbing his hair with a towel, wrapped up warmly in the terry-cloth robe he loves so much.

Today was rough. He's not going to apologize for pampering himself a little.

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[iprotectyou]

Baze is sitting on his bed, watching Ibani breathe without really seeing her. He's numb--his hands are numb, his face his numb, his emotions are numb--and he doesn't know how long he's been sitting there, staring at nothing. He turns his head slowly, tracking Chirrut's progress across the room, eyes focusing for the first time in a long time.

He scrubbed his hands to the elbows until his skin was raw, but he still smells the blood, still sees the pus from those children's neck wounds. Their slave collars had rubbed their necks raw, and it was all Baze could do to keep from crying as he cleaned their infected skin off and applied bacta patches.

He feels hollowed out and distended. He feels wrung out like a rag. He feels... He doesn't know what he feels. He just feels raw.

"Chirrut," Baze says, his voice still little more than a croak, having chattered at all the slaves while cleaning their necks. "Feel better?"

[idontneedluck]

"Yes," Chirrut allows, pausing for a moment to listen for Ibani's breathing. "But you don't. You should be asleep you great bantha." He scoops up a tin of salve as he crosses the room.

[iprotectyou]

"I should," Baze croaks, raising his raw arms to fold them around Chirrut. The larger Guardian buries his nose in Chirrut's wet hair, inhaling the citrusy-lavender scent. It's so much better than blood, he could weep.

He is weeping. Tears he'd bottled to get the job of wound care done for fifty children--kriffing children--seep out from under his eyelids, and he's relieved. He thought he wouldn't be able to cry for those slaves, for what they'd endured, for the trauma they'll still have to deal with. For what Ibani endured, and will have to deal with.

"But I can't sleep."

[idontneedluck]

Chirrut lets himself be held - he'd been worried as the injuries mounted. Baze is the fiercest of warriors... and the most big-hearted of men. Dealing with all of that pain up close can't have been easy.

"Well, let's make you more comfortable. Starting with a bath - I can still smell blood." He huffs, once Baze seems to have calmed a little after the first rush of emotion.

[iprotectyou]

Baze flinches. "I tried scrubbing it all away," he murmurs, releasing Chirrut and leaning back to look at his friend. "I guess I didn't try hard enough."

His arm aches fiercely, something he didn't notice until now. He checks the irritated spot, and his eyes widen when he sees the hole in his clothing, and the blaster char around it. "Oh," he says, abruptly weary. He could lie down and sleep for days. "No wonder you smell blood. I've been shot."

[idontneedluck]

"Baze!" Chirrut hisses sharply, his heart thudding into overtime both at the report of the injury and the sudden odd exhaustion in Baze's tone. "None of that, if you faint I'm taking your robes off, and then Ibani will have nightmares from the sight of your half-clothed body. Up, now." He orders, just above a growl and he sets his shoulders under Baze's uninjured arm and heaves.

[iprotectyou]

"I'm not going to faint," Baze grouses, though when Chirrut hauls him to his feet, he finds he might have to reneg on that promise. He leans heavily on his friend, trying to fill his lungs with air. When did Baze last eat? He can't remember. He jams his eyes shut against the dizziness and bites his bottom lip.

Step by step, they make it to the fresher. Baze opens his eyes again, and finds that his vision swims. He blinks a few times to clear it. "Lay off, I can clean the wound myself," he says, placing a hand on Chirrut's chest and shoving.

Not that it does anything. Chirrut is under his arm, and solid as a rock besides.

[idontneedluck]

"You can sit down on the bench and not fall off of it, that's as far as I'm trusting you." Chirrut retorts, pushing Baze down onto the bench. He doesn't move to go find the bacta patches until he's sure Baze isn't actually going to tilt himself off onto the floor.

[iprotectyou]

Baze scowls at him. Stubborn ass. The large man starts to fold his arms, but immediately regrets the action. Ow. But he's committed to it, so he follows through.

"Stop looking at me like that," he says, though he knows Chirrut doesn't really look at anyone. "If I'd known I was shot, I would have treated it in the cave."

No, he wouldn't have. They had just enough bacta for the kids.

[idontneedluck]

"The lies you tell." Chirrut sighs as he rifles through his supplies for the patches. "Stop sitting the like a lump if you're so well - get your robes off. I need to clean your wound."

[iprotectyou]

Baze grumbles. He grumbles as he slowly divests himself from the top half of his robes--slowly, because moving that arm really hurts now--he grumbles when he sees the wound, black with blaster char and dried blood, and he grumbles because he can, because grumbling is sort of fun. He's had worse scrapes than this, and, aside from Chirrut's reaction giving him momentary pause, Baze isn't in the slightest worried about it.

He gives himself over to the care of his friend, whose cleaning is just as ruthless--and yet, still gentle--as Baze himself would do.

Eventually, Baze speaks again. "I am still angry with you, by the way."

[idontneedluck]

Chirrut pauses in sealing the bacta patch against Baze's skin for a long moment before continuing.

"... That is fair, I suppose." He doesn't suppose. He couldn't find another way out of that situation.

[iprotectyou]

"Damn right it's fair," Baze snaps, and then remembers Ibani's sleeping in the next room. He lowers his voice to a hiss. The larger takes the smaller one's elbow, his grip tight. "I would have done the same, but that doesn't make it okay, Chirrut. You were willing to give your life up--and I understand that it was for Ibani--and I refuse, just refuse to believe that you couldn't have found another option."

His anger is a bitter thing, having festered in his heart all day, rotting away and twisting him up inside. He understands why Chirrut did it, but he still can't forgive him just yet. Not yet. The worry he caused Baze... and closing the collar around his neck was just too much. Baze can still hear the loud click in his ears.

[idontneedluck]

"He was going to kill her." It's not a 'possibly' statement, but one stated as fact. "She doesn't know how to hold that temper - she would have riled him at the wrong time and... we would have never been able to rescue her."

[iprotectyou]

Baze scowls. He knows his friend is right. The larger Guardian just doesnt want to admit it. He releases Chirrut's elbow, leaning back.

Baze is so mad he could spit. He settles for folding his arms again, which hurts, damn it all, but he does it anyway.

"That still doesn't make it right," he snarls. "We would have found some way."

He simmers down. "But... That does remind me. We have to talk about our daughter. She crushed his chest in with a thought. How do we deal with untapped power like that?"

[idontneedluck]

"How did you deal with me?" Chirrut asks, simply, though it isn't a simple question. "How many times did I land you, or those I trained with, in the infirmary? How many times did Master Sheotar scrape through with a victory only after we were both bloodied?"

[iprotectyou]

Baze unfolds his arms, because holding them in that position hurts. He frowns, squeezing Chirrut's shoulder. "I am not about to beat Ibani into submission," Baze says, shaking his head. "I don't think more violence is the answer. You may need it to cage you back into your bones, but she... We could try meditation?"

It's a question because he's not sure if it will work. Chirrut is better than Baze at meditation, and, despite teaching kids for many years, he's at a loss as to how to train Ibani right. He doesn't want to mess up their daughter.

[idontneedluck]

Chirrut snorts, a laugh with no humor.

"I wasn't suggesting beating her - but many could have argued, and I'm sure a few did, that a angry force-sensitive had no place in the temple. If you could put up with me, I'm sure we can make a home for her. Meditation is a good idea."

[iprotectyou]

"Oh," Baze says, and squeezes Chirrut's shoulder again before letting the larger man's hand drop. "I understand now. Well, I'm glad that's settled. Now all we need to discuss is how you're going to make up offering yourself as a martyr to me. I'm thinking a shoulder rub."

No, Chirrut--Baze is not angry at you anymore.

[idontneedluck]

Baze has always offered forgiveness that Chirrut hasn't earned.

"A shoulder rub for martyrdom?" Chirrut asks, bowing his head to hide the grin from his relief. "If I'd known it was such a deal, I'd have done it more often."

[iprotectyou]

"That," Baze says, shoving his friend back, but more gently than he normally would--and probably should, "is not funny. Do that again and I'll kill you myself."

Baze can still feel the way he closed that slave collar around Chirrut's neck, still feel the weight of it in his hands, still smell the pus and blood covering it. He shudders.

[idontneedluck]

"Hush, I'm alright." Chirrut leans back to absorb the blow of the hit. "And I will go on being alright." Lightly he rolls to his feet, and pads over to his kit. Oil he finds fast enough, but the second item...

"Now where did I... oh right. That was before I was told you were shot." Chirrut huffs good-naturedly. "Don't wander off."

And then Chirrut wanders off to go get the salve that he left behind in his hurry to get Baze moved.

[iprotectyou]

Baze doesn't move much while Chirrut is away. Swamped by a crushing numbness again, Baze hangs his head low, his raw hands clutched together between his knees.

His friend could have died--or worse. He would have been experimented on--vivisected, perhaps--his mind flayed, just to see what makes him tick.

Something inside Baze cracks. It starts with sniffling. Tears well in his eyes. Then he graduates to full on sobbing, all the pain and torment of the day clawing its way out of his throat. He buries his face in his trembling hands and gives into the cleaning cry.

[idontneedluck]

When Chirrut left, he felt he was getting a good handle on the pain he caused today, and perhaps had even gotten them past the worst of it.


He comes back to disaster. The knowledge that he did this breaks his heart - the knowledge that he'd do it again in a heartbeat makes him feel like he should just back away, unworthy.

Thankfully over the years he's learned this is the wrong response.

"Oh, you great bantha. Salt water cannot be making that feel any better." He sighs, because he doesn't know how to fix the rest of it, and goes back to kneeling in front of Baze.

[iprotectyou]

"Y-You could have died!" Baze blubbers, pulling Chirrut into an embrace. The larger man runs his fingers over and over the smaller one's neck, trying to reassure himself that his friend is collar-free. Baze can see that he is, but the touch cements the older Guardian. "Ibani could have died. That bastard was going to take one of you away from me."

[idontneedluck]

Chirrut lets himself be held, giving Baze the time he needs.

But he worries.

He does.

It's usually Baze's purview, but... in this case, he worries.

"Baze... if it was a choice. If there hadn't been a way out... you would have taken her home." He has to know that if something like this happens again, Baze and Ibani will be out there, together, and safe.

[iprotectyou]

Baze stiffens. He draws back from his friend, holding his shoulders and looking him in the opaque eyes.

"How dare you," Baze spits, angry at him all over again. The larger Guardian is tempted to slap the smaller one--never before has he wanted to hurt him more than in this moment--but he doesn't. Baze would never truly hurt Chirrut outside of sparring, and those are agreed upon matches where the older man gives as good as he gets. "Of course I would have. But how dare you even think that."

Angry tears course their way down his face, and he dashes away at them with the back of his scrubbed-raw hand.

[idontneedluck]

"I have been given more in this life than I could have ever hoped for, more than I dreamed was possible as a child." Chirrut explains, holding himself still to avoid shying away from Baze's anger. That is his due, he accepts that.

"I would surrender my place for her again in a heartbeat... for any of them. For you."

[iprotectyou]

Baze grits his teeth, staring at his friend.

The larger man lets his breath out in an explosive sigh. "That shoulder rub had better be damn good, Chirrut."

Then he clings to him again, rubbing his back and taking what comfort holding Chirrut will give him.

[idontneedluck]

"The best." He promises, muffled by the heavy muscle in Baze's shoulder. He worries, he still does - he knows it's a lot to ask understanding for, and doesn't press.

But he'd do it again.

Knowing his luck, he will do it again.

That... won't be a fun day.

[iprotectyou]

Baze eventually lets go of his friend. The larger man had to be sure that the smaller one was there, and wasn't planning on leaving Baze again. He scrubs at his wet eyes with the heels of his hands, sniffling.

"Ugh, what a mess," he grumbles. "I hate crying. But I sure do it a lot."

[idontneedluck]

"You have a big heart." Chirrut replies, fondly. "And you refuse to let it be hardened despite the troubles of the galaxy." He manages to capture an arm, and starts rubbing in salve to the irritated skin.

[iprotectyou]

Baze makes a humming noise--not exactly contented, not yet, but close--and allows Chirrut to pamper him. "You have just as big a heart as I do. We have a daughter now, for example."

[idontneedluck]

Chirrut's answering hum is completely non-committal.

"Yes, but I am a sarcastic bastard with an anger problem." He's spent enough time in solitary reflection to know this intimately, even if there weren't those in the temple who felt the need to point it out to him. "If I had to be the one setting the best example in this relationship, we'd have a serious problem."

He switches to the other arm, being generous with the salve - if he makes it difficult to get off, it'll have more time to work.

[iprotectyou]

"That doesn't mean you get to weasel out of helping me raise her," Baze says, closing his eyes. The salve cools his irritated skin, which helps with his temper. He's tempted to run his sore eyes again, but he doesn't want to get salve in them. "Honestly. You have your good points. Not many, but they're there. You can be a good role model, if you work at it."

[idontneedluck]

"We need to work on your inspirational speeches. That one fell a bit flat." Chirrut notes wryly. He closes the tin carefully, and goes to wipe off his hands on one of the towels. He snags the bottle of oil on the way back.

"In here, or on the bed? The sheets are due to be changed soon anyway."

[iprotectyou]

Baze laughs quietly, letting Chirrut know he's been well and truly forgiven. "On the bed. I need to lie down," Baze says, and reaches out to squeeze his friend's shoulder. "Thanks, Chirrut."

The larger man leads the way back to his bed, holding his robes up so they don't slip down his hips. After checking Ibani to see if she's still breathing--she is, that's good!--he stretches out on the mattress, laying his arms flat next to his sides.

[idontneedluck]

Chirrut checks Baze over thoroughly first - his fingers firm as he checks for heat, tension, pain, as he gently pulls Baze's arms through their range of motion.

"No wonder you're miserable - you'd be stiff as a board tomorrow morning. Great bantha, you tell me these things." He huffs softly as he reaches for the oil, generous with it even if it is a bit chilly at first.

[iprotectyou]

"Couldn't," Baze mumbles against the pillow. He shivers with the oil and turns his head to better speak to Chirrut, even though his neck is sore. "Was too busy yelling at you."

Chirrut's touch is magical, and Baze soon finds himself drifting off. He closes his eyes, opens them to look at Chirrut, and closes them again. Baze lets out a soft groan as Chirrut kneads a knot out of his shoulder, breathing slowly and steadily through his nose.

[idontneedluck]

Chirrut works methodically, trying to undo the stress Baze creates by attempting to shoulder the pain of the galaxy himself. The oil smooths the rough callouses on his hands from decades of training so they don't catch on Baze's skin. Slowly he unlocks tense and strained muscles, working them back into warm and pliable tissue from the tight bands they start as.

[iprotectyou]

Baze was drowsy when they started, and now he's well and truly asleep. He drools a little on his pillow, jaw slack, and snores softly through his blocked nose. He'd thank Chirrut again if he could, but he's completely out, and will be for the rest of the night, dreamless.

[idontneedluck]

Chirrut finishes the task in front of him, making sure to get Baze covered up before he goes to put the bottle away - while the room is much warmer than Jedha, it probably would be a bit cool for bare skin.

On the way back to bed he stops, listening for a moment. There's the soft sound of Ibani's breathing, the rougher snores from Baze. Both still asleep. Quietly, smoothly, he lowers himself to the floor, flattening himself down - submitting to the Force which still looks out for foolhardy old men like himself.

He doesn't know how long he stays there, but his heart is lighter when he picks himself up and seeks the comfort of his own bed.